What Mormons Don't Tell

[CSCorbridge]

So at the bottom is the url to a clip from a larger project I'm working on...I have it unlisted because I just need some feedback as I'm going along, the final is still quite a ways off.

So here's the premise - in a former life I used to be a mormon...and yes, one of those annoying suited-up kids that knock on your door to jabber about the book of mormon. Anyways...there are a lot of really, really bizarre beliefs that the mormon religion holds to but they intentionally keep secret from outsiders. So my thought was...what would it look like if mormon missionaries stopped the secrets and were actually honest and upfront about the crazier stuff they believe in while standing right at your door at initial contact? So that's what this is. Its everything they aren't telling you.

In the end I will eventually include a title sequence and short intro explaining the premise as briefly as possible, but it starts at the basic beginning. The full dialog from my voiceover track clocks in around 5 minutes, this is a sample from the first minute and a half or so that I have animated. Please leave comments/feedback!

http://youtube.com/watch?v=OlrpLHPaI-A& ... load_owner

-Casey

[ruscular3d]

I have seen a lot of political and religious posting of topics, and most of them are kind of ....... preaching ........I have no opinion.

I thought this approach was delivered pretty good. Lot of info in a short period. I wish door to door preaching was done this quick. I did not clearly get that slap in the back of the stubby guy's head. It kind of happen fast and his head snap back really fast. I think it could be improve if you delayed the head snapping back after being hit and could even add the rubbing of the head before he bobs it back up, would also help.(IMO) I am not even sure the head slap was needed, it look too much like a setup.

My personal feelings about jokes is that if it feels like a joke to take it out. The content of the scripture should be enough for the humor, that painting these guys as model citizen would bolster the humor effect even more. I would go for the smiling awkward pause that I seemed to get when asking a question that they don't have answers for. There are many aspect of religion that I find funny, .....deliver the silliness as seriously as possible is way stronger than being silly with the silliness.

This reminds me of Robert Crumb, the comic artist, that redid the book of Genesis, from the bible, all in his cartoon form. He wanted to be as factual as he could from the bible, and it ended up being pretty funny when you look at the story in toon form, explaining all the passages. I think offering passages from the book in toon form will often make people examine the story from a different point of view.

[jahnocli]

It's a good idea for a short comic animation, but for me, it needs more context. The guys are just too free with volunteering information -- the householder should be asking really difficult questions that the guys should initially be trying to weasel out of. That would make it funnier, and, also, more truthful. You could start with the information that the guys supply here, then work backwards from that, trying to figure out a chain of questions on the way that would lead to that information. Kind of 'reverse engineering' a story.

[Nicohk92]

I also find that the script is too much in your face. I don't think it will rally the audience to your message, to the contrary.

I sometimes listen to lectures and debates by Sam Harris or Hitchens while working (as right now) and I advise you observe how they sometimes use very light handed jokes in between arguments. With a theme that is now more than clearly defined, don't spoon feed your audience with obvious jokes. go for subtlety at all costs. Surprise,confuse and set traps in the expectations of the viewer. Actually the two last posts give better advices than I could ever formulate.

(not a big fan of the overall look, personally)

[Nicohk92]

he householder should be asking really difficult questions that the guys should initially be trying to weasel out of

Or one of the two guys could seem to be learning some of that stuff for the first time too. as dialogue goes on it becomes more visible that he is in between playing along and not believing his ears.

Timing, "beat" is essential.

You could also go into the absurd, with the woman who turns out to be sychozophrenic and relating each information to her even crazier mindset.

or whatever...

[CSCorbridge]

I really liked your suggestions everyone, especially jahnocli - I wish I had done it per your suggestion from the beginning, wherein the missionary's statements should have been made on the defense rather than the offense. I may be too late in the game for large script changes, but I had toyed around with the idea of making this a small series of animations where the 2 boys are depicted in different conversations with different people allowing for different topic discussions - if I do further animations it will definitely be in the style you suggested.

ruscular3d - I see what you are saying about the accidental "smack." I'm considering deleting it - anyone else have any opinions on that one?

Nicohk92 - said you weren't a fan of the overall look...anything in particular stand out to you that didn't work for you that I could tweak to make it more watchable?

Thanks for your input everyone!!

-Casey

[Nicohk92]

Well perhaps it's just me and don't get me wrong you definitely put a lot of efforts into it and and the result is nothing to be ashamed of. It's close to an anime studio pro style which I've never found appealing and that I find in many videos and tutorial so yeah maybe it's just me. The backgrounds are nice but the characters are just not my type of cartoon people. But I 'm not sure i could do much better. I'm really telling you as an audience member cause i don't have much pretenses as an animator. Things you could improve: I feel would be the coherence between characters, props, and backgrounds. Putting some shadows here and there might help integrate everything together. But if you start on that it just never ends I guess. I would at least try a different font and give your texts some elbow room on the sides (especially on the name badges). Then the more I watch the more I notice cool little details and shadows here and there indeed. You know what, don't worry too much or you'll drive youself nuts. I promised to post a project here a week ago already and I just spent another night drawing little cracks on trees and other useless details cause i demand too much of myself for nothing.

Yeah loose the accidental smack in my humble opinion. Personally, I gladly find pauses with reaction shots of silent inexpressive stairs funnier than "three stooges" type humour


I was watching a show earlier and this scene made me think of your video. Just a similar theme and very funny (amazing timing):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nv4pymDRfrs

[ruscular3d]

I get the style of the toon character, but I am slight shock when they blink and the eye disappear, because the line of the eye lid is gone when they blink. I think about a scene from a horror movie when Satan took away their eyes. I am overacting on that statement, but its sublime existence linger in my mind. Otherwise, the whole scene of the construction set is superb. The timing of the comedy is what is so hard to do and easy to overact.

I look at the comment of others about the door to door preaching, and they were pretty funny. The one that stuck out was how their answer for things they couldn't explain was that God infinite wisdom is beyond human understanding, and how that seem to be a standard stock answer to everything mystical illogical.

My niece has a mathematical equation on her door step that requires everyone to solve before ringing the bell, and if she answer it, she wont talk unless you solve the equation.

[Danimal]

I kept waiting for the punchline. When those guys knock at the door, people either don't answer or quickly shut the door. The woman just plain acts too interested in what their saying, even if she is skeptical. She also seems to just play the part of the dummy - repeating what they say so that they can then expand.

There was some funny stuff in here, and I did chuckle several times. The funniest parts come in when the woman asks about Christianity and they launch into their odd beliefs. It could use a bit of work though to make the conversation more natural and not so stilted and "bad-sticom-like" ("Time for work!" "For work?" "Yes for work!").

[nwboy74]

Elder Smith's voice is money! I could watch this all day. Very creative. I hope there's more coming.