Moho Forum

St George and the Dragon is suspect.

I still think it would become a good animated film if I beefed up the story a bit. Any suggestions?

Rhoel's post actually made me feel a bit guilty about being so unconstructive with my comments but from your post above in response to his it is obviously falling on def ears - and i can safely say that you lack the maturity to take any such project forward.

funksmaname wrote: Rhoel's post actually made me feel a bit guilty about being so unconstructive with my comments but from your post above in response to his it is obviously falling on def ears - and i can safely say that you lack the maturity to take any such project forward.

Look buddy, I'm actually listening to Rhoel's words of wisdom. He couldn't be more right. I am just asking how I can make St. George and the Dragon more appealing to my audience. I don't need YOUR help, funksmaname. I AM LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP MAKING FUN OF MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Stop digging.

jahnocli wrote:Stop digging.

That makes no sense.

G011UM88 wrote:

St George and the Dragon is suspect.

I still think it would become a good animated film if I beefed up the story a bit. Any suggestions?

What you are talking about is a treatment. Therearemany different approaches. I recently had to write 13 episodes of fairy tales, all which have been done many times before. You just have to sit down an think, how can I make this mine.

Here are two reject ideas, both which will work.

Little Red Riding Hood. - make Red Riding Hood a streetwise kid from Brooklyn, complete with accent. It has lots of potential for humour then.

Goldilocks and the Three Bears:
- character list:
Goldilocks: The Big Bad Wolf.
The Three Bears: The three little pigs.

The narrator is telling the traditional story. The characters are talking about being in the wrong film.
BBW: I'll huff, and I'll puff, and I'll blow yer porridge cool.

It works.

As for St George, are you
* making it a serious adventure/action movie.
*Looking for the humour.
"Going for stylistic re-telling.
"Putting it into a new/modern setting (think Leo De Caprio's Romeo and Juliet)

Basically, you have to sit down and try writing it. You will know when it's right. The one thing that always surprises me is what happens when you write. You are thinking what hapens next, what will Char X say. Sometimes the "what happens next" just blows you away, leaving youwondering where thehell that idea came from. Or the dialogue is so funny, you laugh so hard you have to stop, walk away from the computer and do something else till the giggles stop. You only find that stuff by going there, getting into that situation of what happens next.

Unfortunately, there is no way to learn to make scriptsother than sitting down and writing, knowing that what you first write might not be very good, and you have to dump it, hide it ubnder the bed, etc. Something happens over time in your brain, and you get better. Maybe it's like learning to throwing darts - your first efforts will probably miss the wall. Next you might only nail the scorekeeper. Eventually, your eye gets in and you starting the target more often. You still might hit the scorekeeper occassionally but hey, it's deliberate and it's fun.

Practicing on fairy tales isn't a bad idea. You know the story, the people appraising your work will know the story. If you can make them laugh, entertain them or make it new and interesting for them, then you have succeeded. I am working on writing 30 second shorts at the moment ... that is a hard dicipline since there is no room for wasted words. But it''s fun. This 30 second stuff is secondary to what I am supposed to be writing - its practice and just sometimes, something interesting comes out of it - a new character, a concept or a germ of an idea which can go places.

So try turning the TV and Radio off, and sit down with a script program (like the free open source Celtx) and just start with the first shot.

EXT. RURAL COUNTRY SIDE - EVENING

Establishing shot of peaceful farmland, fields of corn sway in the light breeze, the sky above isturning a vivid mic of purples and dark blues. We see bird return to thier roosts for the night, their bird song filling the air.

Through the corn, we see something approaching, pushing the stalks aside, leaving a trail in the corn. We cannot see the creature.


EXT. RURAL COUNTRY SIDE - EVENING

{next action here}


That's two minutes work. From that you should be able to "see" the scene. We might all draw it differently, but you should have a darn good image in your head, stuff like where the horizon line is, the colour palette, the sound effects. etc.

That is what you have to do with George and the Dragon, show on paper what you see, for others to see.

Good luck.

And for God sake, enjoy it, because it is rewarding.


Rhoel


BTW. Openoffice will output PDF pages - not a bad way of distributing scripts. If you save in rtf format, it makes life very easy for script editors using pro programs like Final Draft 6

I cant thank you enough for the brilliant advice Rhoel.

G011UM88 wrote:

jahnocli wrote:Stop digging.

That makes no sense.

It does if you are in a hole.

G011UM88 wrote:

funksmaname wrote: Rhoel's post actually made me feel a bit guilty about being so unconstructive with my comments but from your post above in response to his it is obviously falling on def ears - and i can safely say that you lack the maturity to take any such project forward.

Look buddy, I'm actually listening to Rhoel's words of wisdom. He couldn't be more right. I am just asking how I can make St. George and the Dragon more appealing to my audience. I don't need YOUR help, funksmaname. I AM LISTENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! STOP MAKING FUN OF MEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...yeah - but considering the amount of time he's taking to help you, the least you could do is thank him for his time and acknowledge that you are listening rather than just saying:

I still think it would become a good animated film if I beefed up the story a bit. Any suggestions?

I wouldnt be so confrontational if this whole thread wasnt originally a delusional call for collaborators/hiring/recruiting and requests for funding considering how obviously underqualified you are to make such requests - which in itself is nothing to be ashamed of, but as such you should be in the 'general discussion' or 'How Do i?' forum asking how to tackle projects rather than jumping the next 10 years of experience to try and open an animation studio when its clear you've got no experience, funding, or a clear idea of what you want to achieve.

lets call a truce - i dont want to keep arguing with you, i would just urge you to learn some common courtesy and humility when dealing with people who are trying to help you with their considerable experience.

I did thank Rhoel. I agree. Truce.

jahnocli wrote:

G011UM88 wrote:

jahnocli wrote:Stop digging.

That makes no sense.

It does if you are in a hole.

Sexual innuendo?

To the pure, all things are pure...

oh... ok then. I enjoyed this, we should do this more often!

cribble wrote:we should do this more often!

- Sexual innuendo?

To the pure, all things are pure...