Moho Forum

you may have noticed i have not posted anything in the last 6 months or so, that is because i was working on a very special project.

i can now present to you my debut novel The Storyteller - A Beginning it took about 3 years from the original concept and is finally published.

the link if you want it:
http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/t ... g/14361432

sw

Congratulations!
Do you have any type of sample pages or anything?

under the photo of the cover is a button you can push thats labeled "preview" and that has a bit of the prologue in it

Is this self-published?
The editing of the text is very poorly done.

• In the prologue, "Lightening flashed," should be "Lightning flashed."
• "The cloaked man walked through and into the reception hall..." should be "into and through."
• A reception hall is not a compound - One is indoors, the other is outdoors. He goes from indoors to outdoors "magically," with no transition.
• The "wooden walkway surrounding the room" appears with no explanatory description of it, nor where it fits into the concept of the apartments.
• The queen nods for the man to kneel, but he only bows low.
• "...still dripping slightly," does not fit into someone who has been in "a harsh rain." He'd be in a small puddle.
• If the queen's eyebrows are thin, she would not be looking out from under them, that phrase is generally used for thick eyebrows.
• Why does she glare at him for telling her what she wants to hear? Wouldn't she glare at him as soon as she saw him dripping all over the floor???
• The table must be very small for her to be sitting, yet be able to reach across it to "fiddle with a piece of his black hair."
• "The queen let out a small laughed..." typo.
• "Last time I offered you blatantly rejected" needs a comma after "offered."
• He puts his shoes, hat, and cloak back on, but only took his shoes off...
• Sai "sloshes" back through without re-entering the reception hall - what, he walked the long way around?

I'm sorry to seem so critical, but this reads badly. At $15 ($14.39 on sale), you won't find many buyers if the rest of it is as fraught with mistakes as the preview. It's just too amateur to invest in.

But I wish you the best of success with your endeavor.

yes, it is self published, i had not realized there were so many errors. my grammar is not that great and i fear ms word did not catch the errors. also (and this is really odd) my co-writer (who is a lot better at grammar then i am) wrote that bit. i'm going to go through again and fix errors.

what is not grammatical or spelling errors i must say are creative license. i can attest to the book being odd [i/]. i dare say that the prologue is the most normal of all the chapters.

on your note about not selling copies, we have sold 18, so thats something. i can assure you however, the rest of the book is MUCH better spell checked

Mozbo wrote:Is this self-published?
The editing of the text is very poorly done.

• In the prologue, "Lightening flashed," should be "Lightning flashed."
• "The cloaked man walked through and into the reception hall..." should be "into and through."
• A reception hall is not a compound - One is indoors, the other is outdoors. He goes from indoors to outdoors "magically," with no transition.
• The "wooden walkway surrounding the room" appears with no explanatory description of it, nor where it fits into the concept of the apartments.
• The queen nods for the man to kneel, but he only bows low.
• "...still dripping slightly," does not fit into someone who has been in "a harsh rain." He'd be in a small puddle.
• If the queen's eyebrows are thin, she would not be looking out from under them, that phrase is generally used for thick eyebrows.
• Why does she glare at him for telling her what she wants to hear? Wouldn't she glare at him as soon as she saw him dripping all over the floor???
• The table must be very small for her to be sitting, yet be able to reach across it to "fiddle with a piece of his black hair."
• "The queen let out a small laughed..." typo.
• "Last time I offered you blatantly rejected" needs a comma after "offered."
• He puts his shoes, hat, and cloak back on, but only took his shoes off...
• Sai "sloshes" back through without re-entering the reception hall - what, he walked the long way around?

I'm sorry to seem so critical, but this reads badly. At $15 ($14.39 on sale), you won't find many buyers if the rest of it is as fraught with mistakes as the preview. It's just too amateur to invest in.

But I wish you the best of success with your endeavor.

Wouldn't it be better if you sent him a PM about the typos? To openly post them on this forum serves nothing more than to stroke your own ego.

swrecordings wrote:yes, it is self published, i had not realized there were so many errors. my grammar is not that great and i fear ms word did not catch the errors. also (and this is really odd) my co-writer (who is a lot better at grammar then i am) wrote that bit. i'm going to go through again and fix errors.

what is not grammatical or spelling errors i must say are creative license. i can attest to the book being odd [i/]. i dare say that the prologue is the most normal of all the chapters.

on your note about not selling copies, we have sold 18, so thats something. i can assure you however, the rest of the book is MUCH better spell checked

A way to to catch errors is to read to your self the text backwards. Start from the end and read the document from end to beginning. You will catch most of the mistakes.

Wouldn't it be better if you sent him a PM about the typos? To openly post them on this forum serves nothing more than to stroke your own ego.

thank you, sbtamu.

all i can say is that hey, I'M 16, and personally i find its a miracle that this thing is even out there.

sw[/quote]

Yes, that's worth something. How many teenagers can say they finished a novel and even sold a few copies?

But Mozbo is right. She pointed out just the grammatical errors. Wait until readers in the "real world" comment on the story content, ie., the characters and plot. Fiction readers tend to read a lot and are very demanding. You need to keep improving your storytelling skills AND you'll need a thick skin.

Regarding amateurism vs. professionalism in the internet-age, I leave you with this article: Professional Writing and the Rise of the Amateur
Good luck and keep working at it.