Moho Forum

1st post on this forum... eek, kinda' didn't think I'd be so nervous. Oh well! love it! hate it! BRING IT ON! just don't ignore it. Please

http://youtu.be/e_uf6qjxv-4

Well done, and intriguing.

Perhaps the pace could have been a tad quicker, like an anime trailer on a DVD, but otherwise I think the overall feel worked.

(don't be so nervous, I only joined the forum a few months back, and have learned from the amazing work others have posted here. I think it's safe to say people here are passionate about their work in animation, so your in good hands.)

I stopped watching halfway through. There wasn't enough action, and the combination of repetitive piano phrase and monotonous voiceover became boring very quickly, for me. I think you could make all the points necessary to draw someone in inside a minute -- you don't have to give the whole backstory out all at once at the beginning.
I have two pieces of advice:
1) Show, don't tell. It's much better to see someone duck inside a doorway than to hear a narrator say "Joe was above average height"
2) Get stuck in! I once heard someone say "I'd rather be confused than bored" Start with some action. Then do a little bit of explaining. Then some more action. And so on. Pacing. Variety. There has to be an information gap. Keep the audience slightly behind the story, or slightly ahead, or mix it up. Don't explain it all to them at the outset and then have them trotting alongside...

I'm with jahnocli on this one.
I too would rather be confused than bored.

Here' s my 2 cents:

Exposition is necessary for a decent story and all, but when you devote elongated scenes to the telling of it, you tend to lose interest rather quickly. With scenes like these, I sarcastically ask if I'm going to get quizzed on this. A story is more effective when the exposition is told through the power of implication and the relationship it has with your characters. Implication gives a feeling of the world, and a sense of intrigue that is in my opinion, far more effective than bluntly stating what's going on. It creates a sense of mysticism which produces questions and anticipation which are what keep the viewers watching. If you answer them all in one long montage, you just have a shell of a story. Uncharged information. Tell it through the characters interaction with the universe you are trying to construct, lead us into the world through your protagonist's journey and before you know it, not only are we identifying with the main character, but we're also picturing ourselves in the world with him and at that point, the exposition will have a greater chance at being appreciated.

I'm nervous too. It's normal. Sometimes feedback may sting but it will make you better. I agree with jahnocli. Twitter limits you to 140 characters. That's a good lesson. "Can I tell the story without this?' If so, chop it.

Thanks for the quick responses everyone. I considered most of your feedback very helpful. Especially the common theme of it being too long and too much narration lol.

Here goes another one for the same project. It's quick, confusing, and explains absolutely nothing. Enjoy.. Hopefully.

http://youtu.be/qqDWU6KZ_FE

The shorter one, well, from my impression didn't go anywhere. I wouldn't say it was confusing, it just didn't hint at anything dramatic. I commented "intriguing" in my first post because it looks like you have a story to tell that might lead to some interesting confrontations, you obviously have some animating techniques down well enough to create generally what you want which is what I meant by "well done", but you need to edit a bit more with an outlook of someone who has no idea of your story is about. If you didn't make this, and were watching it as someone else's work, would you want to watch more?

We all can fall prey to our own sense of accomplishment when something we worked on looks how we wanted it to, but then we have to make the hard choice to cut it, even if we spent hours working on it, simply because it doesn't work.

Keep at it

I agree with Jahnocli on the first one, though I didn't even make it as far as he did. That music had me scrambling for the back button about 40 seconds in.

The second one was not just confusing since it was out of context, but did nothing to explain what the story is.

It seems you've put a lot of work into developing a rather complex and textured story. I'm sure the project itself has lots of potential. Really though, you've got to get some action in there to help move it along though, otherwise this just kind of comes across as grandma reading a story when you're a little kid. And you know what happens then? Yes, you fall asleep.

Thanks everyone for the continued feedback, atleast those of you who took 2min to watch and critique the whole thing. (I don't see how judging a fragment of a painting is very constructive, but that's my opinion, your entitled to yours). I'll continue to improve and keep posting.

toncreation wrote:atleast those of you who took 2min to watch and critique the whole thing. (I don't see how judging a fragment of a painting is very constructive, but that's my opinion, your entitled to yours)

This kind of answers your own question: the purpose of a video is to get people to watch it. If people aren't willing to sit through it, even if only 2 minutes long, that is a very telling critique indeed.

Forgive me if that sounded like a question, it wasn't.

toncreation wrote:Forgive me if that sounded like a question, it wasn't.

No reason to forgive or to apologize. Saying "I don't see how..." kind of sounds like a request for an explanation.