Moho Forum

so i had finished my first short series about a month ago, this pilot took alot of work, and i still feel like i could have done a better job let me know what you guys think i don't think i will be making anymore episodes though

Loved the beginning -- you could have done a lot more with that kind of wordplay! It kind of tailed off after that for me into an Aqua Teen Hunger Force...thing. You should write more comedy -- you've got a knack.

I thought it was good. Made me laugh. Some parts I liked: "bad ass" song, bipolar chief and his angry morphing voice/bloodshot eyes, don't breed dogs -> no dog breeds, the Marlon Brando Tony Tomato. Good artwork with characters, sidewalk cafe, clever use of masking for flag (and mouths?) etc... Good job! I think you hit it here.

There were some genuine laughs in here, the opening scene and the "you could try those keys right there" were both good ones. The humor was definitely Aqua Teen-like, which is fine with me since I enjoy that show. The faces and mouths reminded me too much of those horrible videos of a talking orange that have never once been entertaining so I was a bit distracted by that. Also, there are no "Privates" in the police force. "Officer," "Detective," "Lieutenant," etc... No Private though. Overall, this was certainly enjoyable to watch!

Was all of this done in Anime Studio or what was used for the backgrounds?

I loved the mouth shapes used for lip sync. For some reason the extra "detail" of the mouths in contrast to the somewhat simple animation style elsewhere made it that much more funny. i have no problems with "simplistic" animation if the story is funny. Also the dialog and acting makes up for "less than perfect" animation. I think the acting was pretty darn good. There was some editing and timing issues that could have been done to improve it.


-----

p.s.
I too thought they keys in the ignition scene was very funny. It's a comedy trope used a lot that still cracks me up.
I just watched the "Breaking Bad" marathon and saw the ending episode where Walter White was trying to steal a car and the keys fall out of the visor.

But seriously... do people leave their keys in the ignition anymore? Did anyone EVER leave keys in the visor? (You have no idea how many times I have locked my keys in the key left in the ignition or on the seat BY MISTAKE. It's embarrassing and that's why I keep an extra key, with a $20, in a metal holder on a magnet hidden under the car. Saved my arse so many times... until I forgot to put the extra key back. I have had to since learn that trick with a towel, a crowbar, and a coat hanger).

What do car thieves do now with finger print lock activation and electronic activated locks and engines? These and many other questions, are why I have such a hard time with many works of fiction.

heyvern wrote:But seriously... do people leave their keys in the ignition anymore? Did anyone EVER leave keys in the visor?

Time to derail this thread a bit, but I was just yesterday watching a newer Columbo from the early '90s and sure enough, the crook procured a truck by hopping in and using the keys that were left in the ignition. At first I thought "no one did that in the '90s." Then I thought "did anyone do that EVER?" I suspect the answer is no, but it sure makes telling a story easier I suppose.

thanks for the positive comments, i did use photo shop for all of the backgrounds the coffee shop was made by my buddy though(with photoshop), but i did the rest, and i used it for the fruit bodies, the rest was asp the bodies mouths etc

HanglideProductions wrote:so i had finished my first short series about a month ago, this pilot took alot of work, and i still feel like i could have done a better job let me know what you guys think i don't think i will be making anymore episodes though

I think it is great! I do like the work on the mouth movement - very good! Where did you come up with the idea?

i have no idea how i thought of the idea when me and my buddy get together we tend to bounce ideas off each other until we come up with something, i feel that is one of the best ways to writing a script