I noticed one thing though, in the train scene when "he" look at his right the googles follow great but when he look back the googles seem to jump unnaturally.
I love your colors and your work with focus-unfocus!
Graduation project 'Marin'
Moderators: Víctor Paredes, Belgarath, slowtiger
Great scenes Bakenius! The train scene is very good, you've managed to catch the tension between him and her, nice work!
I noticed one thing though, in the train scene when "he" look at his right the googles follow great but when he look back the googles seem to jump unnaturally.
I love your colors and your work with focus-unfocus!
I noticed one thing though, in the train scene when "he" look at his right the googles follow great but when he look back the googles seem to jump unnaturally.
I love your colors and your work with focus-unfocus!
I always feel flattered when someone follows my suggestions ... I think Scene 4 has a much better dynamic now.
There's a short scene at 0'27" which still irritates me since I can't read it fast enough and don't know where I am. This is more a matter of editing. See, in the preceding shot the guy still sits on his seat. In this shot he stands in front of a door - which is hard to recognise - and isn't even leaning in the direction he's taking.
A better solution would be to give him movement in one scene, in contrast to the other. So, either he stands up and walks towards the door in the first shot, or he moves one or two steps towards the door in the second shot. I'd prefer the latter because a) it's easier to do and b) you get the opportunity to act out his hesitation when he stops in front of the door. Also let him lift the hand to open the door, instead of already placing the hand on the door. He could lift the hand but not touch the door - this would deliver his feelings. The next shot with the door opening would give the final accent to that scene.
I'm just not sure if you still could change this because your soundtrack seems to be finished and everything timed to it already.
A minor detail: there's a train running through in the background in two scenes, and in both scenes this happens right at the start of the shot. It would be less distracting if in the first scene this happens a moment later, and maybe in the opposite direction.
Scene 3 is equally good. I especially like the extreme pullback of the camera in the last shot: that's why we use resolution-independant vector graphics!
There's a short scene at 0'27" which still irritates me since I can't read it fast enough and don't know where I am. This is more a matter of editing. See, in the preceding shot the guy still sits on his seat. In this shot he stands in front of a door - which is hard to recognise - and isn't even leaning in the direction he's taking.
A better solution would be to give him movement in one scene, in contrast to the other. So, either he stands up and walks towards the door in the first shot, or he moves one or two steps towards the door in the second shot. I'd prefer the latter because a) it's easier to do and b) you get the opportunity to act out his hesitation when he stops in front of the door. Also let him lift the hand to open the door, instead of already placing the hand on the door. He could lift the hand but not touch the door - this would deliver his feelings. The next shot with the door opening would give the final accent to that scene.
I'm just not sure if you still could change this because your soundtrack seems to be finished and everything timed to it already.
A minor detail: there's a train running through in the background in two scenes, and in both scenes this happens right at the start of the shot. It would be less distracting if in the first scene this happens a moment later, and maybe in the opposite direction.
Scene 3 is equally good. I especially like the extreme pullback of the camera in the last shot: that's why we use resolution-independant vector graphics!
Wow--this lives up to the promise of the previous glimpse!
Sorry I can't offer suggestions for improvement, but keep going.
EDIT: Actually, I do have a suggestion, and I feel pretty strongly about it.
I think the bubbles are drawing way too much attention to themselves.
I assume that you're using the bubbles as the herald of a mystic change to come (ala Christopher Vogler's insanely popular "The Writer's Journey.")
However, they're so enormous that the audience thinks you're trying to convince us we're seeing the scene from underwater.
Bubbles floating through the screen have long been used as a symbol for "we're underwater now."
The alternative -- vast bubbles that float through the air because of the sheer nearness to the ocean, or even because something important is breathing underwater -- simply don't make sense.
I find it quite distracting, and I keep wondering whether I'm supposed to be looking at things through water.
There's nothing at all wrong with bubbles as a symbolic herald -- I like it, I really like it -- just keep them small and out of the way, and not flying so high above the water.
You don't have to hit the audience over the head with it -- subliminal cues delight, and give the audience something to study on their second or third viewing...
...or their tenth viewing: this piece will have us coming back again and again.
Sorry I can't offer suggestions for improvement, but keep going.
EDIT: Actually, I do have a suggestion, and I feel pretty strongly about it.
I think the bubbles are drawing way too much attention to themselves.
I assume that you're using the bubbles as the herald of a mystic change to come (ala Christopher Vogler's insanely popular "The Writer's Journey.")
However, they're so enormous that the audience thinks you're trying to convince us we're seeing the scene from underwater.
Bubbles floating through the screen have long been used as a symbol for "we're underwater now."
The alternative -- vast bubbles that float through the air because of the sheer nearness to the ocean, or even because something important is breathing underwater -- simply don't make sense.
I find it quite distracting, and I keep wondering whether I'm supposed to be looking at things through water.
There's nothing at all wrong with bubbles as a symbolic herald -- I like it, I really like it -- just keep them small and out of the way, and not flying so high above the water.
You don't have to hit the audience over the head with it -- subliminal cues delight, and give the audience something to study on their second or third viewing...
...or their tenth viewing: this piece will have us coming back again and again.
human: scene 3 is underwater, what you see through the window is the bottom of the sea. The buildings are build right into the water and go up above sealevel. If that's not clear enough now I really have to do something about it.
slowtiger: To have Marin hesitate for a moment before opening the door is a brilliant idea. Combined with a few steps it will indeed make the scene a lot clearer and you get more into the mindset of the protagonist that way. Thanks!
Also, I'm still completely free in my editting. What you've heard under the storyboard is just a temptrack. Custom music will be written for my movie once my composer/sound designer is back from a holiday end of July. I try to have as much of the editting frozen before he starts working on it.
I'm very excited about the guy I managed to get who will write the musical score for my animation, he just got back from working with Klaus Badelt (the guy who did the music for Pirates of the Carribian) and is very exited to work on a project with me again.
Yeah, I'll mirror the trainshot at the beginning of scene 5 or else people really would get confused direction-wise.
ulrik: Well spotted, the switch layer of the glasses was two frames off the second time. I fixed it now.
funksmaname: Heh, the view outside the window I created in After Effects, rendered it and then imported as a movie file in AS.
Again, thanks everyone!
slowtiger: To have Marin hesitate for a moment before opening the door is a brilliant idea. Combined with a few steps it will indeed make the scene a lot clearer and you get more into the mindset of the protagonist that way. Thanks!
Also, I'm still completely free in my editting. What you've heard under the storyboard is just a temptrack. Custom music will be written for my movie once my composer/sound designer is back from a holiday end of July. I try to have as much of the editting frozen before he starts working on it.
I'm very excited about the guy I managed to get who will write the musical score for my animation, he just got back from working with Klaus Badelt (the guy who did the music for Pirates of the Carribian) and is very exited to work on a project with me again.
Yeah, I'll mirror the trainshot at the beginning of scene 5 or else people really would get confused direction-wise.
ulrik: Well spotted, the switch layer of the glasses was two frames off the second time. I fixed it now.
funksmaname: Heh, the view outside the window I created in After Effects, rendered it and then imported as a movie file in AS.
Again, thanks everyone!
Oh... I actually had to look at the movie again and ponder out what you're saying.bakenius wrote:human: scene 3 is underwater, what you see through the window is the bottom of the sea. The buildings are build right into the water and go up above sealevel. If that's not clear enough now I really have to do something about it.
Well, this is very odd indeed.
I wasn't prepared for the possibility that your train was traveling through a clear tube -- this is not how I imagine any subways to be.
I thought when the hero saw the mermaid, he was looking down into the water.
I don't have all your animatic in front of me, and I'm not going to take the time to search for it.
Just make sure that your shots make it clear.
No pun intended, I assure you.
I got that from the first time watching the animatic, so I'm pretty confident it will work out in the final version as well. Can I be a nitpicker? I think the bubbles in the up-shot look a bit strange, because they clearly are flat cirkels moving up in perspective, while they should feel more round, 3D-ish. Hmm.. it's no big deal, but still.
Good day everyone!
I 'finished' another scene of my movie. The sequence where Marin chrashes and sees the mermaid, one of the more intense effects loaded sequence of the film, so it was a lot of work. But somehow I've got it done in just a week. So that means I'm still on scedule...
http://marin.hku.nl/animation/moho_test ... 01-33s.mov
As always, your suggestions to make it even a bit better are very much appriciated!
I 'finished' another scene of my movie. The sequence where Marin chrashes and sees the mermaid, one of the more intense effects loaded sequence of the film, so it was a lot of work. But somehow I've got it done in just a week. So that means I'm still on scedule...
http://marin.hku.nl/animation/moho_test ... 01-33s.mov
As always, your suggestions to make it even a bit better are very much appriciated!
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funksmaname
- Posts: 3174
- Joined: Tue May 29, 2007 11:31 am
- Location: New Zealand
Well, the audience will be slightly disappointed that when the two begin to kiss, they fail to pucker their lips.
(I understand that you have to move on now, though.)
In this segment, we are treated to your mastery of animating water. You've nailed it perfectly!
After that, the thing I like most is the animation of his slight head turn as he drowns and the gracefully waving curls. You did a completely fine job on the mermaid, but the guy's animation is slightly better.
The use of color throughout, as usual, is world-class.
Now let's hope you get music and sound effects of a quality to match this.
One director (I forget whom) said that sound was more than 50% of a movie.
You deserve the best!
(I understand that you have to move on now, though.)
In this segment, we are treated to your mastery of animating water. You've nailed it perfectly!
After that, the thing I like most is the animation of his slight head turn as he drowns and the gracefully waving curls. You did a completely fine job on the mermaid, but the guy's animation is slightly better.
The use of color throughout, as usual, is world-class.
Now let's hope you get music and sound effects of a quality to match this.
One director (I forget whom) said that sound was more than 50% of a movie.
You deserve the best!
Hello everyone, the last weeks have been so hectic I didn't find the time to update on my progress. But everyone who had commented when I did had a huge impact on my film, I thank you all for that.
Just a little while longer and I can show you the final full animation with lovely sound design and music.
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toonertime
- Posts: 595
- Joined: Tue Feb 27, 2007 8:34 am
- Location: ST. LOUIS
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marcotronic
- Posts: 42
- Joined: Thu Aug 16, 2007 7:42 am
- Location: Germany