HAPPY LAND update
Moderators: Víctor Paredes, Belgarath, slowtiger
neato
I thought it was blissful, maybe I see too many sarcastic flicks 'cos I kept expecting the mood to change suddenly and drastically with some sickening shock ending. 
Phew 
Anyway I got the message - teamwork eh? 
Phew Anyway I got the message - teamwork eh? 
Thanks jahnocli and chuckeye.
Been considering whether to overhaul the character for future episodes and give them no lips and small beady eyes.
I draw them with no lips and beady eyes in my sketches. Something non-threatening about them. Think maybe the whites of the eyes and pink lips are a bit drastic...not sure.
Anyways, writing up some great (I think) scripts. Really taking time to put funny stuff in, make the message clear, bring the characters out...also wondering if i should have returning characters. Maybe not heavy, paper and float, but some other staple characters.
PBS' guidelines are quite hectic. You have o have a child psychologist on board at all time to ensure everything's alright and not going to scar kids.
I thought common sense would suffice, but that's what they tune.
http://www.pbs.org/producers/pbskidssub ... elines.pdf
Aargh. Not getting any bites locally, and Anamazing's taking ages while they show it to others who are also taking time to decide.
Busy with a job-search to see if can support myself with something else and complete the series myself in the hope that at the end of it I'll be able to license it, or as another posted remarked earlier, make DVD's and sell them in grocery stores, an idea that sounds very viable.
One way or another I'll make more episodes that I'm proud of
Putting good stories together now is my main job, and probably the most important part of this whole exercise.
Been considering whether to overhaul the character for future episodes and give them no lips and small beady eyes.
I draw them with no lips and beady eyes in my sketches. Something non-threatening about them. Think maybe the whites of the eyes and pink lips are a bit drastic...not sure.
Anyways, writing up some great (I think) scripts. Really taking time to put funny stuff in, make the message clear, bring the characters out...also wondering if i should have returning characters. Maybe not heavy, paper and float, but some other staple characters.
PBS' guidelines are quite hectic. You have o have a child psychologist on board at all time to ensure everything's alright and not going to scar kids.
I thought common sense would suffice, but that's what they tune.
http://www.pbs.org/producers/pbskidssub ... elines.pdf
Aargh. Not getting any bites locally, and Anamazing's taking ages while they show it to others who are also taking time to decide.
Busy with a job-search to see if can support myself with something else and complete the series myself in the hope that at the end of it I'll be able to license it, or as another posted remarked earlier, make DVD's and sell them in grocery stores, an idea that sounds very viable.
One way or another I'll make more episodes that I'm proud of
Putting good stories together now is my main job, and probably the most important part of this whole exercise.
Thanks.
That solves that
Next, I'm either gonna do the FLYING HAT story that deals with self-belief, or the ANTHROPOMORPHIC HOUSE that deals with IMAGINATION.
Would post the outlines, but they're way too long.
In a nutshell:
FLYING HAT - guy orders a flying hat. jerk tells him a flying hat's a stupid idea. he needs to believe the hat will work to get it to work. sun tells him to believe in himself. he does. the flying hat works, and he flies. the hat falls off, sun tells him the hat's useless, its his belief that's making him fly. so he's flying without a hat. he gets the jerk to fly also. they both fly and sing a song about self-belief.
HOUSE - a guy and a girl are talking about imagination when the house behind them grows a face. they hop on the house. house grows legs and grows into space. they're swimming around in space when a shooting star flies past. they board the star and take an epic tour of the universe. they jump off and land safely back in happy land. they're both awed at what they've seen. they tell their parents about their adventure. the parents tell them they have big imaginations.
The stories need some fleshing out and refining to make them captivating.
(In other news I see AS 5.6 is out. Looks good, though 5.5 is fine for my needs. Anyone know if the render bug for Mac is fixed?)
That solves that
Next, I'm either gonna do the FLYING HAT story that deals with self-belief, or the ANTHROPOMORPHIC HOUSE that deals with IMAGINATION.
Would post the outlines, but they're way too long.
In a nutshell:
FLYING HAT - guy orders a flying hat. jerk tells him a flying hat's a stupid idea. he needs to believe the hat will work to get it to work. sun tells him to believe in himself. he does. the flying hat works, and he flies. the hat falls off, sun tells him the hat's useless, its his belief that's making him fly. so he's flying without a hat. he gets the jerk to fly also. they both fly and sing a song about self-belief.
HOUSE - a guy and a girl are talking about imagination when the house behind them grows a face. they hop on the house. house grows legs and grows into space. they're swimming around in space when a shooting star flies past. they board the star and take an epic tour of the universe. they jump off and land safely back in happy land. they're both awed at what they've seen. they tell their parents about their adventure. the parents tell them they have big imaginations.
The stories need some fleshing out and refining to make them captivating.
(In other news I see AS 5.6 is out. Looks good, though 5.5 is fine for my needs. Anyone know if the render bug for Mac is fixed?)
Since you mentioned having to come up with another plan...Mikdog wrote:Well, the international distributor for kids shows passed on happy land...
Will just have to come up with some other plan
m
You might consider spending a lot of time and energy trying to find the perfect writer to match your animation style. (Perhaps a talented but struggling children's book author?) IMHO, your animation is great, but the story and dialogue are unsatisfactory.
For example, in your cartoon, after saying "Hello, Heavy," Sun asks if Heavy is going to a picnic. I thought that was a strange thing to ask; Heavy doesn't even have a picnic basket. Sure, from up in the sky Sun can see the picnic, but isn't there other things happening in Mike Scott's Happy Land, too? Couldn't Heavy be going for an icrecream cone? A better writer probably would've had Sun ask Heavy where he was going. Also, the "Hello, Sun" and "Hello, Heavy" exchange, being the first spoken words of the cartoon, was lackluster. Almost anything would've been better. For example:
May I borrow your ladder?
Stay off the grass.
A blue flower?!
Where is my hat?
Don't step on that spot!
Who are you?
Pass me the peas, please.
Today is a wonderful day! (I think this is the worst of the list.)
You probably thought the dialogue was good because you introduced two character names: Sun and Heavy. But more important than introducing names is getting your cartoon off to a fun, exciting start.
A writer could also help you create characters. For example, a writer might suggest adding a more energetic character, because yours all have similar low-energy levels.
A writer might also suggest you create a completely different group of characters because your old characters are too limited for ongoing story purposes (apart from Sun). For example, when I think of a character like Heavy, I think there are only a few science-related stories you can invent centered around his heaviness. Moreover, many of the stories you could invent might be terribly predictable.
Heaviness can't cross water because he's heavy.
Heavy can't go up in a hot air baloon because he is heavy.
Heavy can't cross a bridge because he is heavy.
Etc.
A better writer likely would insist on more open-ended characters, like "Circle" or "Pretty" or "Yellow."
And if you're thinking, "Heavy can feature in stories about things having nothing to do with gravity," then why call him Heavy?
In short, I'd recommend overhauling Happy Land. Find a skillful writer, get new characters, change the name of the show, voice the characters with children instead of adults, add a female character, and try again.
Oh, one criticism about your animation: the eybrow movements. When Sun says to Heavy, "Enjoy your picnic," Heavy replies, "Thank you, Sun," while doing a screwy thing with his eyebrows, like he thinks Sun was saying something weird. Float makes the same expression when saying, "What is teamwork?"--but when Float does it, it makes sense.
Good luck. No offense with anything I wrote.
tonym, you're a legend
Thanks man. Of course, I don't take offence with anything you wrote, on the contrary I totally appreciate your input. Thanks for taking the time out, man. Very cool
Yep, think that's what I may have to do. If you know any writers who'd be up for another pilot, please let me know. I've pumped out about 20 odd script outlines, some of them good, some of them bad. Although, I'm sure someone who's a writer could find the holes in my scripts, and a writer who could write for my animation style would be awesome.
I think you may be right - that a complete overhaul might be necessary. Work it from the bottom up. I'd LOVE to find someone who creates loveable and memorable characters, characters that are archetypal and totally differentiated from each other. Stories that are touching and funny, with big overarching plotlines and golden threads running through them. Characters that you want to learn more about, to want to go with them on their adventures. Totally man.
I'm with you about staying away from dead, dry script. One of my favourite all-time animations is Adventure Time by Pen Ward. It's featured on YouTube. From the first couple of seconds of the story I had myself in stitches.
Characters I really like are high-energy crazy characters, like the guy in Adventure Time, or like Dee-Dee from Dexter's Laboratory, Sonic the Hedgehog, Felix the Cat, Spongebob Squarepants...kind of a no-holds-barred attitude to life. Its hard not to love those characters.
Also, thanks re: eyebrow movements crit. Glad you noticed that. It is out of place in the context.
Gonna find out how to get in touch with a writer. I've tried before but was unsuccessful, opting to do the scripts myself. I think its hard to find a good writer. My brother wrote the first script for Happy Land, which I then butchered to make it easier to animate. Unfortunately, I failed to notice holes such as why sun notices he's going for a picnic (he was supposed to be carrying a picnic-basket, but happy landers don't have hands) and in the last song where they sing about how they need heavy on the boat to keep it down, how come paper and float were able to make a boat to get to heavy? In the original script, paper turns into a plane and flies across to heavy. Turing into a plane I figured was going to be tricky, so I made them both make a boat and float across, which kind of defeats the line in that song...in the end heavy was supposed to throw sandwiches into all the characters mouths (no arms again) and there were lots of jokes that I took out. Heavy was also called BRICK MAN originally. I thought I'd eliminate all potential bottle-necks and dealbreakers for when I tried to sell this for kids. Think I unwittingly sucked it dry of its humour and soul.
Will see about the overhaul if I can get in touch with an inspired/experienced writer.
Thanks again
Mike
Mike
Thanks man. Of course, I don't take offence with anything you wrote, on the contrary I totally appreciate your input. Thanks for taking the time out, man. Very cool
Yep, think that's what I may have to do. If you know any writers who'd be up for another pilot, please let me know. I've pumped out about 20 odd script outlines, some of them good, some of them bad. Although, I'm sure someone who's a writer could find the holes in my scripts, and a writer who could write for my animation style would be awesome.
I think you may be right - that a complete overhaul might be necessary. Work it from the bottom up. I'd LOVE to find someone who creates loveable and memorable characters, characters that are archetypal and totally differentiated from each other. Stories that are touching and funny, with big overarching plotlines and golden threads running through them. Characters that you want to learn more about, to want to go with them on their adventures. Totally man.
I'm with you about staying away from dead, dry script. One of my favourite all-time animations is Adventure Time by Pen Ward. It's featured on YouTube. From the first couple of seconds of the story I had myself in stitches.
Characters I really like are high-energy crazy characters, like the guy in Adventure Time, or like Dee-Dee from Dexter's Laboratory, Sonic the Hedgehog, Felix the Cat, Spongebob Squarepants...kind of a no-holds-barred attitude to life. Its hard not to love those characters.
Also, thanks re: eyebrow movements crit. Glad you noticed that. It is out of place in the context.
Gonna find out how to get in touch with a writer. I've tried before but was unsuccessful, opting to do the scripts myself. I think its hard to find a good writer. My brother wrote the first script for Happy Land, which I then butchered to make it easier to animate. Unfortunately, I failed to notice holes such as why sun notices he's going for a picnic (he was supposed to be carrying a picnic-basket, but happy landers don't have hands) and in the last song where they sing about how they need heavy on the boat to keep it down, how come paper and float were able to make a boat to get to heavy? In the original script, paper turns into a plane and flies across to heavy. Turing into a plane I figured was going to be tricky, so I made them both make a boat and float across, which kind of defeats the line in that song...in the end heavy was supposed to throw sandwiches into all the characters mouths (no arms again) and there were lots of jokes that I took out. Heavy was also called BRICK MAN originally. I thought I'd eliminate all potential bottle-necks and dealbreakers for when I tried to sell this for kids. Think I unwittingly sucked it dry of its humour and soul.
Will see about the overhaul if I can get in touch with an inspired/experienced writer.
Thanks again
Mike
Mike
Just out of interest, I put this script together without using any filters:
Jo is focusing hard on a house.
K: What are you doing?
JO: I'm focusing my mind-beams on the house so that it comes alive.
K: I'll help you.
K helps Jo to focus mind-beams on the house.
The house comes alive with a face and legs.
JO: At last, I was beginning to doubt my mind-powers.
K: Never doubt yourself Jo.
JO: I need a pee.
HOUSE: I need a beer. Get your asses on my roof!
JO: I can hold it till later.
Jo levitates onto the roof.
K meditates herself onto the roof.
HOUSE: Yeeha!
JO: I think I peed in my pants.
K: You don't have pants.
JO: I'm sorry, I think I peed on your roof.
HOUSE: It doesn't matter now.
House grows legs and starts growing high into the sky.
HOUSE: It hurts when I do this.
JO: What's sex like?
K: It's like having nails inserted into your eyeballs.
JO: That's nice but I'd rather have a beer.
HOUSE: I want a beer!
K: Houses don't drink beer.
HOUSE: (Imitating K's voice) "Houses don't drink beer".
House enters space and is still growing.
JO: (Beatboxing a song).
K: (Freestyling).
Jo and K soon float around in space.
They swim around in space.
JO: Are you a virgin?
K: Yes.
House does a weird little dance.
HOUSE: Not anymore!
JO: Hey!
HOUSE: I can see my house from here!
A shooting star passes.
K: Let's board the star!
JO: Cowabunga!
They board the star.
JO: Are you a virgin?
STAR: (Makes funny noises).
K: She IS a virgin.
Jo does a funny dance.
JO: Not anymore!
STAR: (Funny frustrated noises).
Star goes past planets on an epic journey.
K: I think I love you.
JO: I only love cheese.
STAR: (Makes a funny cheese noise).
JO: Shutup!
K: You're so romantic.
JO: Shutup!
STAR: (Makes funny sad noises).
Star takes a turn and heads back down to Happy Land.
K: I want your babies.
JO: Shutup!
STAR: (Making funny laughing noises).
K kicks Jo in the head.
K: I love you.
JO: What is WRONG with you?!
Jo and K jump off the star. They fly through the sky with great speed.
JO: We're reaching terminal velocity.
K: What's terminal velocity?
Scene freezes.
Sun arrives.
SUN: Terminal Velocity is the constant speed that a freely falling object eventually reaches when the resistance of the medium through which it is falling prevents further acceleration.
Sun goes down.
Scene unfreezes.
JO: I hate it when everything pauses like that. It gives me a headache.
K: I love you.
JO: Shutup! You're my sister!
JO and K: (yelling).
Jo and K land on the slope of a mountain and skate down it.
JO: I think I hurt my foot.
K: Don't worry, we've got medical!
JO: I bet you I can beat you to the bottom!
K: You're a wife beater.
JO: (laughs) Ok, cool!
Jo and K ramp at the end of the slop and land next in a bush.
They emerge from the bush next to where they started.
House comes crashing down back into place.
HOUSE: Goodnight and good luck.
House goes back to normal without a face or legs.
JO: I need some crack.
K: Stop saying such weird things.
Jo and K's parent's arrive.
JO: Mom, dad, K loves me.
MOM: That's nice, we love you too!
JO: But, she loves me like a wife!
DAD: We do too!
JO: Am I surrounded by crazy people?
MOM: What are 'people'?
K: Can I have a rabbit?
DAD: Ok. What's a 'rabbit'?
End.
I'm glad you saw my post as helpful. I really hope to see your animation on television, and the sooner the better (before my children grow up!). Sadly, I don't know any children's book writers to point your way or I would.
You wrote: "I'd LOVE to find someone who creates loveable and memorable characters, characters that are archetypal and totally differentiated from each other. Stories that are touching and funny, with big overarching plotlines and golden threads running through them. Characters that you want to learn more about, to want to go with them on their adventures." If you post something like that on a few writers' forums and include a link to your YouTube cartoon, you might find a writer you'd like working with.
Also, you might consider creating a website solely geared for the purpose of attracting a writer. That way, any writer who visits that site can easily forward a link to their writer-buddies and spread the word.
Good luck!
You wrote: "I'd LOVE to find someone who creates loveable and memorable characters, characters that are archetypal and totally differentiated from each other. Stories that are touching and funny, with big overarching plotlines and golden threads running through them. Characters that you want to learn more about, to want to go with them on their adventures." If you post something like that on a few writers' forums and include a link to your YouTube cartoon, you might find a writer you'd like working with.
Also, you might consider creating a website solely geared for the purpose of attracting a writer. That way, any writer who visits that site can easily forward a link to their writer-buddies and spread the word.
Good luck!
Totally man.
Put up a blurb on www.happyland.co.za (even though the show's name might change) and asked a couple of writer's websites to please put out the word.
Thanks for the help! Very cool.
In the meantime, I'm just toying with ideas. Had a thought about having only 3 characters and they're in a love triangle, where the geek and the jock are constantly trying to win the affections of the princess.
Don't know if anyone's ever read a comic called SNAKE & BACON by Michael Kupperman? My buddy lent me the comic once. All the snake says is HSSS and the bacon alternates between various sayings about bacon, like "You can have me for breakfast" or "Keep me in the fridge" or "I taste delicious with tomato sauce." Pretty basic, but one of the funniest comics I've ever read.
Put up a blurb on www.happyland.co.za (even though the show's name might change) and asked a couple of writer's websites to please put out the word.
Thanks for the help! Very cool.
In the meantime, I'm just toying with ideas. Had a thought about having only 3 characters and they're in a love triangle, where the geek and the jock are constantly trying to win the affections of the princess.
Don't know if anyone's ever read a comic called SNAKE & BACON by Michael Kupperman? My buddy lent me the comic once. All the snake says is HSSS and the bacon alternates between various sayings about bacon, like "You can have me for breakfast" or "Keep me in the fridge" or "I taste delicious with tomato sauce." Pretty basic, but one of the funniest comics I've ever read.
Hey Kadoogan, nice avvie I dig that dog.
Thanks for the props. I'll be sure to let you know about the dvd!
Another thought was to use real faces as characters. More of a mess-around though:
(link removed)
I dig that dog. Thanks for the props. I'll be sure to let you know about the dvd!
Another thought was to use real faces as characters. More of a mess-around though:
(link removed)
Last edited by Mikdog on Sun Apr 06, 2008 2:33 pm, edited 1 time in total.