IanMage1 11 Second Club

[ianmage1]

This is my first time entering an animation into any contest, so thoughts are much appreciated; I wish to improve this as best as I can.
Thank you.

[eric1223]

I think the animation is pretty good. I think they have lots of emotion to them. The curtains are great as well. I like how they go to transparent to opaque in the center. The outside bothers me a bit though, but not much. I'd suggest put something back there if you leave if you do not add different colors to the sky, like a building or buildings, fence, powerlines....anything lol. This is minor though.

its pretty good!

[ianmage1]

Thanks. The scenery I have, at the moment, is about as simple as it gets; I planned to add on to it after the animation is improved.

Any insights on the character animation would be most helpful.

[lwaxana]

Nice work! I think the best part is the "Wah wah wah, so what." The acting there is really convincing. The man saying "i don't cry" feels a bit disjointed, as though he's not reacting to what she's saying, but making a random statement. Maybe show more of his emotional response to what she is saying that leads up to this? It is tricky though because you might not want to distract from the woman's acting. For the "fail big and stick around" lines, her arms seem like they may be too long. And also the motion is really symmetrical(/twinning). It may read better with less symmetry in the arm movement. I'd also recommend to minimize zooming and panning because it can get distracting. Looking forward to seeing how this progresses!

[Danimal]

The animation looked very good, and I'm not sure what is going on since we jump into the middle of a scene, but that woman just came across as a nagging shrew. Come to think of it, no matter where in the scene this is, she's a nagging shrew.

[neeters_guy]

It's a good start so far and consistent with your unique style. After entering several 11-Second Club compos myself, I'd expect the following would be common feedback:

1) Lip Sync -- Make sure you hit the strong sounds (esp. "job", "fail") with clear phonemes such as the "FV" and "L".
2) Timing -- Vary timing so it's not so even and floaty. Some quick motions will add energy.
3) Posing -- Experts will say "stronger poses", but what poses? It depends on the emotions of the character. Look for pauses in the dialogue and see if you can show a transition to another emotional state. For example:

"Your job is to break through barriers,..." (annoyed)
"...not accept blame and say 'wah wah wah'. So what?" (sarcastic)
"You wanna be really great?" (encouraging)
"Have the courage to fail big and stick around." (triumphant)

The same can be done with the guy as he reacts to her words (eg., sad->surprise->angry->hopeful). Once you have an idea of the emotions, come up with a pose or expression that communicates it best.

Hope that helps. Entering the 11-Second Club compo is a great learning opportunity. Good luck!

[ianmage1]

The animation looked very good, and I'm not sure what is going on since we jump into the middle of a scene, but that woman just came across as a nagging shrew. Come to think of it, no matter where in the scene this is, she's a nagging shrew.

Is her being a nagging shrew a flaw that I need to fix, or is it just a characteristic that you're pointing out?
Thanks.

@Iwaxana and neeters_guy
Thank you for the insights. I will surely take them all into account.

[Danimal]

Is her being a nagging shrew a flaw that I need to fix, or is it just a characteristic that you're pointing out?

A little of each, I guess. Even at just over 10 seconds, I stopped paying attention about halfway through because all I could think is how much I wanted her to shut her trap.

I'm pretty positive my opinion is not the majority though.

[jahnocli]

No, I found her pretty annoying too. It wasn't just the nagging, it was the politically correct choice of words, and the voice quality, that kind of nasal whine...Nothing to do with your animation -- you get the voiceover as a given.

[ianmage1]

Here's my final entry.

I'm afraid I won't be entering next month's competition... if you haven't heard the audio yet, it's nothing but sound effects.
Ah well, I need to get back to working on my project anyway...