NarrAnimation

[Lumpy]

Not a new concept by any means, but I'm the type who prefers doing everything in-house, so it appeals to me. I tried doing this style before, but my life isn't...funny enough? So, I've taken to crafting the story on my own. I actually had a few moments that were inspired by Danimal's "Who are these characters, and why should I care about them?", so I hope I did that justice. Anyway, enough of the previews, onto the show!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3RFzwXOXus

Also, I can't get the 'youtube' tag to do right, I think the problem is at the user end of my keyboard though.

[Danimal]

This was very entertaining! Dr. Noddakwak, it took me a second to get that one, but I'm glad I took the time.

OK, the nitty-gritty: there are several times you can see the break between body sections on the characters. The doctor on the phone is one of the more obvious instances of this. After the shot of the spotlights in the club cutting to the shot of Aaron in the hallway, there's an odd flash, like there's a frame of black or something. Maybe it's a subliminal message! I do suddenly want some popcorn... Also, the backgrounds are all blurry, even when a character is right in front of them, as the with the rug on the floor during the opening. The blur does help to add a depth of field, but it seems it should get progressively blurrier the farther away things are supposed to be. Of course, that's getting into a really complicated set design so I wouldn't blame you for not doing that.

I normally hate narration in anything, but since this is nothing but narration, it works. And lo and behold, someone who not only tells us the character names, but says them SEVERAL TIMES so we can learn them! There aren't enough thank yous in the world for that. And how about that: a quick backstory on who they are and why they all hang out together. I believe I may start crying I'm just so happy to see this.

Here's the embedded video, by the way. You use the YouTube tag but only put the video ID in the tags. So not http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h3RFzwXOXus but just h3RFzwXOXus

[sargumphigaus]

This reminds me of the movie Snatch for some reason. There is something very like-able about the narration. Also I like the seamless transitional editing that gives a sense of montage to the video.

I would say add more kinetics to the video, there's too much stagnation of character and environment. A character can stay still, but something needs to keep the eye entertained, otherwise things become dull to the viewer. Dialogue can only do so much.

And like Mister Danimal said, your characters arms are breaking at the bends. It looks like you're using separate layers for the arm portions and using a patch layer to hide the over layering lines? I haven't done this in so long so, so i could be completely wrong. Either way, You can fix that by dragging the points during bending portions; tedious i know, but completely worth it. When you do, just make sure you switch timeline movements from smooth or linear to STEP so it doesn't tween and warp on you in the moments prior to. I may come across as ignorant and you could already be using this and my eyes just aren't properly trained, and if I am I apologize. That said, if not: You can invest in figuring out how to use smart bones. I have no idea how to use smart bones (i did once but it was only for 1 cartoon) so here's a tutorial.

I normally hate narration in anything, but since this is nothing but narration, it works. And lo and behold, someone who not only tells us the character names, but says them SEVERAL TIMES so we can learn them! There aren't enough thank yous in the world for that. And how about that: a quick backstory on who they are and why they all hang out together. I believe I may start crying I'm just so happy to see this.

Mister Danimal, I can't say for sure that I really understand your obsession over this prospect. Some of my favorite animations have lacked protagonistic titles. I think that establishment is important, but all at once, laying an entire dossier about a character before unfolding the events, while necessary depending on style and what the creator has in mind in terms of presentation, shouldn't be cannon and deemably crucial in terms of a universal formula of do's and don'ts. In my book, establishing chemistry between characters and the world they're in is far more important than establishing the who what why where when prospect. The viewer has eyes and can decipher the character for themselves aesthetically.I don't believe we should have to hold your hand and walk you through every nook and cranny of detail. You seem like a smart man Mister Danimal, and I hope this doesn't come across as confrontational. It's merely a disagreement. A division of interest.

[Danimal]

but all at once, laying an entire dossier about a character before unfolding the events

There are many ways of telling who characters are and giving the audience a reason to care about what they're doing. Simply unloading a truckload of exposition is one, but far from the only way of doing so. But simply put, no character = no story.

The viewer has eyes and can decipher the character for themselves aesthetically

Only if the character clues are there to pick up.

The trouble is that there is a growing trend of "look, here's wacky people doing wacky things! Isn't that great?" No, it's not. For a story to work we have to know who these people are and have a reason to care why they act how they do. But that's hard, so most people don't do it. It's easy to write scenes with people doing stuff, so people just jump to that. The trouble is, the audience has no reason to watch them do stuff because they have no vested interest in them. They're not people, they're cut-outs waiting to deliver a punchline. You're watching a badly done SNL sketch, not a story.

[mrmoi2000]

Reminds me of this quote (from Idiocracy):

Pvt. Joe Bowers: [addressing Congress] ... And there was a time in this country, a long time ago, when reading wasn't just for f**s and neither was writing. People wrote books and movies, movies that had stories so you cared whose ass it was and why it was farting, and I believe that time can come again!

[sargumphigaus]

The trouble is that there is a growing trend of "look, here's wacky people doing wacky things! Isn't that great?" No, it's not. For a story to work we have to know who these people are and have a reason to care why they act how they do. But that's hard, so most people don't do it. It's easy to write scenes with people doing stuff, so people just jump to that. The trouble is, the audience has no reason to watch them do stuff because they have no vested interest in them. They're not people, they're cut-outs waiting to deliver a punchline. You're watching a badly done SNL sketch, not a story.

You'll hate the content of my stuff then. I guarantee it.

[Lumpy]

I appreciate the feedback guys. I really need to learn smart bones.

[lwaxana]

I really liked the writing/storyboarding and narration. I think the jokes are under-emphasized in the story, though. I missed the part about daring him to climb back down the building joke the first time I watched. Maybe showing him climbing down again would help the audience catch the joke. The concept for that joke is really funny. I also think the joke at the end kind of trails off. If it were a bit punchier, it would make the audience want to come back for more. But! I think my favorite part of this is that it's charming. The narrator describes his friends fondly. If it comes down to making a joke funnier or keeping the characters likeable, I would go with the latter.